philcrissman.com

My wife has gone to Thailand for two weeks. So I’m on my own.

I am, as they say, “batching it” for a couple weeks. This is usually understood to mean that I will wear the same underwear for two weeks, eat nothing but junk food, abandon cleaning the house, and play video games all night.

This isn’t working out so well.

The video game thing isn’t happening. I look at my X-box (old one, not a 360) and think, I could sit and play something for… for, well for hours. But then I think, But I’ve finished all the games I own. And I don’t really feel like replaying them yet, and I could go get a new used game, but I can’t think of anything I’d want to own, and really, is that responsible?

I tried to leave the dishes in the sink. Normally this is no problem. This week I keep looking at them and thinking, Sheesh, it’s only going to take five more seconds to put it in the dishwasher. And the next thing I know, it’s in the dishwasher.

I bought a huge bag of potato chips when I went grocery shopping. They are still sitting unopened on the kitchen table. Every time I look at them, I think, Those sound good, but I should really eat some real food. Those aren’t very good for me.

I have a strange compulsion to vacuum the rug. I can’t explain it, it’s just there.

I’ve tried leaving my clothes on the floor when I change, but it just throws the whole room off. I have to put them in the hamper.

I’m beginning to think that I am no longer a very good bachelor.

Oh, I can talk the talk. I can say I’ll eat cereal two meals a day, shower “later,” and stay up till 3am. Except that there are some leftovers to eat, and that sounds a little better. Or maybe pasta. Or a roast. With some potatoes and broccoli. And I will feel a lot better if I have a shower, and 3am… man, I need to get up early, I can’t do that.

So far, I have not shaved my face. I am counting that as a point for the “batching it” score.

But for now, I should get back to work. And if I’m not going to open those potato chips, I think I should really take them off the kitchen table and put them in the pantry.